When It's Time To Put The Pen Down...

Learning is a life long pursuit. At least it should be. Some things are so damn easy and make sense immediately.

2+2=4 Every. Damn. Time.

Water is wet. Ice is cold. Dark chocolate is better than milk chocolate. All are accepted as fact.

Writing, however, is not.

Writing is an evolving activity for me. There have been a couple times where I thought I had absolutely captured the perfect chapter only to find out I was WAY off.

I remember how excited and nervous I was the first time I started to write something truly important. I knew what kind of pen to use. It rolled smoothly across the surface. The story flowed easily from the tip. It would allow for more emphasis if I added pressure, but also could present a fine line of careful intent. Joyful, uproarious laughter as well as the smallest hint of a smile, all easily demonstrated with the same instrument.

The paper required so much more research. Different colors, different sizes, different spaces between the lines, different textures. All important features, all important benefits.

We do our best writing when all of the features we need align with the benefits we crave.

The first time I sat down to write something important, I was sure I had it all figured out. I knew exactly what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. I had the proper paper and while I had a few struggles with getting the pen to properly express my thoughts, I just knew the chapter would be a masterpiece. The writing was a little erratic at first. I was getting used to a new endeavor. The commitment to this new venture was unlike anything I'd experienced before. It had to be perfect because it was being presented for all the world to see.

It was so easy in the beginning. Maybe a few crossed out words or lines but never a complete rewrite. The combination of pen and paper was as close to perfect as a person could hope for. I thought for sure that the more I wrote, the more I learned about writing, the easier it would get. I could not have been more wrong.

I was losing my touch on how much pressure to apply to the pen. Forcing the words used to work when I was lost but that same force started to betray me. I found more and more crossed out words. More and more crossed out lines. Eventually, more and more crossed out paragraphs. I was losing my creative touch. The harder I tried, the more futile the attempt. I tried to write the words but they just wouldn't appear. Did the paper change? Did the pen run dry?

Eventually I tossed the entire project. Pen, paper, all of it.

Losing all that work and effort, all that good stuff, and all of that progress was more costly than I could have realized. I resigned myself to never write again. I clearly didn't know what I was doing and didn't have the time or the reserves to attempt something like that ever again.

Until YEARS later...

I was wildly inspired again! I was ready to create! I could feel it in my core. It was time to write!

I was amazed at how much I had learned about writing instruments and how to best utilize them. I found a more balanced, more sophisticated pen. So much easier to write with!

My taste for paper had even changed! Smaller lines so I could carefully fit more on each page. Smoother texture so I didn't have to force the stroke as much. Less resistance made the story almost write itself. It was the most beautiful paper I had experienced since finding that new pen. A perfect match. It was a joy to write again, not a chore.

Happy stories. Funny stories. Love stories. All were flowing and all were effortless.

Taking some time away made it so much easier to create. I still wanted to please my audience but I wanted the writing to be authentic and rewarding for myself as well. I was achieving both goals and it felt amazing!

Author and audience were in lock step. It was the connection that every writer seeks but few ever find.

The stories were becoming more and more detailed and the collection of words grew longer. The response from the reader was beautiful and encouraging. THIS is what being a successful author felt like!

The euphoria of connection allowed me to write with oblivious abandon. My Enthusiasm Blindness was unchecked. The writing continued to flow but the audience grew more and more quiet. It took me some time to notice but eventually, I did.

What the hell happened? Did my style change? Was I spelling things wrong? Was my structure off? Were my jokes not funny enough (impossible by the way...)?

Me being me, I couldn't put the pen down this time. I kept writing. I overanalyzed everything for sure and self-stifled my creativity BUT I was not going to lose this audience because I didn't work hard enough. Not this time.

Reality eventually did show up with its leather glove wrapped hand and delivered a rather aggressive slap to my face.

"Stop writing for people that aren't your true audience, dumbass!" Reality speaks loudly and wears leather gloves. Be on the lookout. Friendly advice from the author...

"It's ok to write beautiful chapters. Write them fancifully, romantically, humorously and even lovingly when appropriate. It's ok to write them but it is critically important to wrap them up when they are done. Painting beautiful pictures with your words is a gift. What good does it do you to use that gift for an audience of none? Are you writing pulp fiction with no depth or are you creating stories worthy of the investment of their time? It's a sin to drag the reader through a never-ending tale but what does that wasted effort do to you as a writer?" Reality also has quite a way with words and has the ability to speak softly while not wearing those terrifying gloves.

Forcing a story is a recipe for literary disaster. Closing a chapter is either incredibly easy or incredibly difficult. There is rarely an in between. I have ended some incredibly abruptly and let others drag on. Neither method is good for the reader. It usually isn't great for the author, either.

We need to write how WE write. If we stink at writing, we need to paint how WE paint. If we stink at painting, we need to shoot photographs how WE shoot. If we stink at photography, we need to draw stick figures how WE draw. If we stink at drawing stick figures, we should just probably become Excel experts and live alone...

Find your passion (passion can change daily for those of us with ADD) and act on it. Do your thing for you and your audience will find YOU.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I was recently inspired to share this. In between Excel classes, of course...

Stay sturdy.